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March 2nd - Mothers Day

Wake up at about 12.30pm and Lucy shortly comes up reminding me it’s Mothers day. She thinks she’s waken me up so she leaves me to it, and tells me that Mum’s upset as she’s been alone so far on Mothers day (Lucy just got in from Dad’s and Wayne must be out) and that she’s going to work at 2pm. I feel kinda bad as I didn’t mean to go to bed as late as I did last night, for precisely this reason. I lie in bed for another ten minutes then get dressed, with Lucy coming up again. She wants me to help her write a song for an ensemble study at school, as the people she’s working with seem to be leaving Lucy to do pretty much everything. She asks me a couple of things about drum beats and drone chords on the Guitar, then we head downstairs.

Mum’s in the front room and I wish her happy Mothers day, giving her a card and the fancy chocolates I bought her. I did intend to sneak out today to get her some wine, but that was pretty much unavoidable with Lucy knowing I was around, so I just tell Mum I’ll get her some wine later as well. She says I don’t have to. Wayne gets home and gives Mum her stuff, then heads upstairs out of the way while I make tea and help Lucy work out how to use her Guitar tuner that I bought her so long ago. I make toast, Mum heads to work at 2pm and I watch some crappy T.V.

Head upstairs to do some internet stuff and my right lens in my glasses suddenly jumps out of the frame, hitting my eye. I barely touched it and I spend ten minutes looking for it while listening to the new Pig destroyer album, which ain’t bad. Talk to Jojo online, and the other days argument seems to be forgotten, but I apologize for calling her a bitch anyway. Apparently she’s moving to Butlins in Skegness this Summer, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I tell her I’m off for a while, but I just sign offline so that I can watch the rest of Derren Brown’s Trick or treat series. Afterwards I watch a couple of episodes of Reaper while adding a load of people to The Rutherfords page, then when I’m finally done I head downstairs for some grub.

I decide seeing as it’s Mothers day I’ll do a couple of hobs around the house, so after I eat (while watching Friends) I wash up, clean the kitchen and hoover, in a hurry so I can see Two pints. Unfortunately I knock over a glass ornament of my Mum’s while hovering due to rushing about, so annoyingly I have to spend ages making sure I’ve gotten all the glass once Two pints is finished. Afterwards I come upstairs and talk to Melle on the phone for half an hour (we’ve already been texting), then we exchange some dirty text messages while I do internet stuff, listen to some tunes, get some Pizza and tea from downstairs (while talking to Lucy too) and playing Pro evolution soccer 5. During this time I’ve been letting the movie Catch and release stream online so I can watch it without buffering, so I watch that afterwards and totally dig Kevin smith’s performance. It’s then time to write this while listening to some Sanzen, and that about sums up my lazy day – lots of T.V!

March 1st - False prep

Had my alarm set for 10am but didn’t get up until 11.10am. For some reason in the last 15 minutes of snoozing I had Datora on my semi-awake mind, and was somehow kind of involved in the music. It’s really odd for me to get into a local unsigned band as much as I have them, particularly when I don’t listen to too many bands who play that sun-genre of post-hardcore. I also notice that today is the second day running I haven’t woken up with an ear full of wax, and my ear drum has stopped clicking in the last two days as well. Fingers crossed it’s finally on the mend. I’m not getting too hopeful yet though as I had a two day spell a few weeks ago where I didn’t get wax, then it was back to a morning dosage every day.

I muster up the energy to get out of bed, make some tea and check Myspace. I spend half an hour finishing my application for the Relief library assistant job, scan it into my computer as evidence, send my C.V to my e-mail account for later and get showered and ready as I don’t have time to write the covering letter for the Haze position.

Once I’m in Derby (it took a whole hour on the H1 as oppose to 40 minutes) I get to the library and book a computer, but I’ve only got 7 minutes to do what I need to do. The woman who booked the computer was Asian and didn’t seem to confident in her job, and I only bring up her race because I wonder if there’s a bit of a language barrier. I ask for more time so I can write this covering letter and she assures me that I have the extra time, but I don’t. It turns out I can’t save documents (my C.V) to the computer to retrieve anyway, or at least I can’t figure out how to, and there’s no point asking her. Instead I just leave and head directly for Haze to find out when the application has to be submitted by. It turns out I can give it in on Thursday so I’ll have it ready for then, handing it in before playing the Mantus gig at the Victoria Inn.

Time to get Mothers day stuff, so off to the Eagle centre market for a card and a cheap drink. I pick out a simple card, as I don’t think Mum particularly appreciates the comedy cards I normally pick for occasions, and get pretty frustrated at a girl standing in front of me in the queue. It was really obvious, but to some people the fact that there’s a gap means it’s ok. Funny how this happens as me and Jo were talking about this last night, or rather Jo was, and I don’t say anything because it ain’t worth the hassle. I take a shit, then head off to the Red arrow bus.

Once I’m in Nottingham I finds the new CD store in the small shopping arcade that only sells Metal CD’s, although most of them are second hand. After browsing through a few albums I purchase Pig Destroyers ‘Painter of dead girls’, thinking it’s the new release, not realizing until later that it’s pretty damn old and consists of a fair few covers and the like. Still, can’t really complain for £4, and it’s the first album I’ve bought in months! I spend the next hour and half wandering around looking for something for Mum, and at games and book I’d like to purchase for myself, but I settle on a chocolate desserts collection from boots for Mum, always a winner if you don’t know what to get. I also receive a text message from Thew, saying he can’t rehearse at all before the gig on Thursday. I also tell him he needs to be at The Music Shed tomorrow at 6pm to sort out the live recording.

I then meet Melle after she finishes work and we go around a few shops for her Mothers day shopping. I’m annoying her almost straight away, as she reveals she’s useless at remembering birthdays, and although she gets the date of mine right, she thinks it’s in June instead of July. I suggest a way she’ll remember it easily in the future, which is simply to picture me playing Golf on the final hole (there’s 18 holes), and I’m playing it with her boss Julie (the name sounds like the month July). To make it more memorable, I can only just pick up the putter as it’s so heavy, unable to make a proper swing. For some reason, Melle keeps telling me to stop with this as she’s dead tired, but I thought it was a good idea anyway.

We talk all the way back to hers, largely about her band Strettle and at how childish her friend / Guitarist has been in yesterday’s rehearsal, and in general. We chill at hers with her sister Lauren, Melle wrapping up Mothers day stuff and me playing her shitty bass. Dinner is ready afterwards and we (Melle’s Mum and her partner Neil are there too) spend a whole hour at the table eating and watching Ant and Dec’s Saturday night takeaway, a rarity for me. The plan seems to be to watch a Ross Noble DVD, so I pop off to take a leak and Melle’s up there, where we make out. I don’t remember why but I ask her when my birthday is, and this time she gets it right. But guess what…she had that image I described earlier in her head, making me feel great after her telling me to stop describing that to her earlier. God I love being proven right.

She smokes, then we watch Ross Noble, and I swear I don’t laugh out loud once in over half an hour of his stand up. This is the second time I’ve watched one of his shows at Melle’s both different DVD’s, and I just don’t see why this is Melle’s favorite comedian. Yes, he’s very talented at making things up on the spot as that’s pretty much all he does, but it just ain’t for me. Give me Bill Hicks, Bill Bailey or David Cross (new comedy hero) any day. I leave at 9.20pm, set to get home two hours later, whilst on the way reading Kevin Smith’s My boring-ass life and staring down a pisshead on the bus from Ripley who called me Jesus. Gimme a break man, I’ve literally heard that dozens of times now.

Once I’m in I get some much needed tea and some Pizza that’s on the worktop. Some Myspace stuff is done naturally, including trying to sort out a couple of gigs for the Rutherfords, then it’s time to write this. Afterwards I update my record nerd page and look at some games / CD reviews, while talking to Airon from Rust inhaler over msn. He’s had a bad time tonight, and lately in general, so I do my best to offer my thoughts and hope it helps. Apparently I’m the only guy he talks to on msn regularly – we should hang out more. During and after this I read a link from Kevin Smith’s My Boring-ass life that I’ve been reading on buses all day, which is him replying to people bitching about him on forums. It’s fairly entertaining. More internet stuff, then I’m in bed a little after 3pm, after writing Mum’s card for tomorrow.


Feb 29th - Sleepy time

Woke up at 12pm then fell to sleep again, so it was nearly 3pm when I finally got out of bed. As much as I clearly need to catch up on sleep I’m annoyed at myself seeing as I was going to spend a lot of today either looking for work, recording stuff or doing something else productive. As much of the day has already gone I know I won’t do much as I’ll be seeing Jo later, confirmed with a text message I got whilst sleeping. Instead of going to Alfreton as planned she’s coming here later.

As I have much less time than I’d have liked, you’d think that I’d get cracking straight away – that’s not how I work. Instead I decide as most of the days’ gone I’ll just chill out. So after getting some cereal I drink tea whilst listening to David Cross’s It’s not funny comedy album. I save and arrange pictures on Myspace and facebook whilst doing this, plus other mind-numbing activities so I can concentrate on hearing the album. I do a little more Myspace stuff after then head downstairs for some Spaghetti bolognaise whilst watching Friends and Scrubs. Mum asks me about something job related and I end up telling her how I have to do 30 hours of stuff that’s musical related every week, even though I’d told her this before. She bugs me a little how she suggests I should do what Wayne (my brother) did in getting a license to drive a forklift truck. I’ve already worked in that environment in the past, and I went to college to better myself and get away from a shitty job like that (no offense to people who have that job), plus I’ve spent 3 years and built up a debt to study music, so it makes no sense to me at all. I don’t argue though as here really is no point, and just nod and say “hmm”. Me and Lucy chat a little bit as well, and I head up stairs to do some dusting.

Afterwards I watch an episode of Reaper and exchange some text messages with Melle, along with arranging tonight with Jo B. I realize I should apply for this job I have an application form for, the job being Relief library assistant in Derby. I fill in most of that, saving the rest for later (my hand hurts from writing…and I’m lazy) then find a job to apply for online for the company Chrome dreams. It’s from the Music week website and is suitable for a graduate looking for that first job in the industry, so I send my C.V with a covering letter. After this I get some tea and wash some pots after eating some sarnies, then wait downstairs for over half an hour for Jo, watching friends and QI in the meantime. We go to Tesco as Jo needs some stuff and I buy an Easter egg for £1 – Bargain! We get back and watch the family guy movie after talking for an hour (mainly Jo ranting) then I come up to my room to add some people to the Rutherfords Myspace page and update this. I intended on finishing my job application for the library assistant job and writing the covering letter for Haze, which I’ll apply for tomorrow, but I’m pretty tired after being awake for only 12 hours, so I get in to bed at 3am.

Feb 28th - TV and Myspace rule

I wind up getting up at 11.30am, being forced straight out of bed by Armstrong learning, the company who are running the new deal for musicians scheme via the job centre. I’ve already missed two calls from them this morning so I’m motivated in getting up (just) and talk to my advisor Stuart. I tell him what I’ve been up to musically and on the job front and ask his opinion on my C.V and the tracks I submitted during my induction a few weeks ago. He says he’ll call me back, but he doesn’t at all.

Not much is done today to be honest – I intended on spending a lot of time looking for work but this didn’t happen, and the main plan was to go and see Datora play in Nottingham tonight along with Sworn against and a few other bands. I opt against it because I wanna save cash where I can, and although I’d get in for free I’d have to by food and a bus ticket at least – it’s a lot to me right now. Also, by the time I think about it properly I wouldn’t get into Nottingham until about 5pm, and knowing that Melle finishes college at 3pm I don’t expect her to want to hang around. As I don’t fancy a gig alone I just don’t bother, but I do intend to catch their gig at Derby uni soon as it’s free.

Before all that I went on the internet to do my usual stuff. In some ways it was neato as I spoke to Kira for quite a while, which is a rarity lately. On the other hand I got into an argument with my ex Jojo about some stuff she borrow months ago. In fact it must be pushing half a year. I brought it up over msn casually (as the conversation made it a relevant topic) and she starts defending herself, saying I should have reminded her to get those items when she made the rare visit to her Grandma’s where the goodies are stashed. Of course I point out that I have reminded her, several times in fact, and all other kinds of excuses are poured out of her mouth. She was so hostile when I brought the issue up. Instead of simply saying ‘I didn’t get them when I was there, I’m sorry, I’ll get them next time’ she opted for “You should have reminded me”. Yeah, always shifting the blame Jojo. After a while the conversation ends with me saying “Fuck off then you defeatist bitch”, which is unlike me, but seeing as I’d already refrained from calling her a bitch earlier I let it out and block her.

Enough about that. The rest of the afternoon I watch some Whose line is it anyway? While eating and do more internet stuff, which includes the discussion (over e-mail) about the possibility of a new guitarist in The Rutherfords. I haven’t heard about this before, and it seems an old band-mate of Lee’s got in touch with Glyn (via Lee) about the possibility of joining our band. Instead of summing it up here I’ll post the whole ‘essay’ I sent to Glyn about the subject, thinking that I was also posting to lee at the time:

Hmm, I didn't know this was on the cards at all.
I always thought we were all happy with the 3-piece set up, and to be honest I haven't given all that much thought to the possibility of having another Guitarist...only a little, for say a couple of minutes when the Guitarist from Gogo tokyo mentioned he'd be happy to step up for it.
I'd say (without Bias as I don't know this Will guy at all) that we should treat the approach as the same as if it wasn't somebody we know (like Gogo tokyo) rather than saying 'you can give it a shot simply because you know a band member'. If we'd have decided on looking for a 2nd guitarist before, fair enough I'd say it's worth a go, or even if we'd mentioned that if we stumble across the right bloke at some point it'd be worth doing this, like Hudson did with Dan I guess. Basically, had any of us actually wanted another guitarist before now? And if we haven't, why would we want to pursue with Will if we didn't really specifically want this situation in the first place. By that I don't necessarily mean I don't want it now, but I wasn't under the impression none of us genuinely wanted it at the same time.
I guess we should think about the ideal situation in the band in the long run...at the moment I'm happy with the 3-piece format, but that is without giving it much thought. Plus, if I'm being totally honest I think a second guitarist should know the genre already if it happens, even if it's just several of the bands in the genre to begin with. By that, I mean owning a few albums already by the likes of Weasel, ghoulies, Darlington etc, not just having heard of the names before, that way they're a genuine fan of the style which would help in all kinds of ways. Funny coming from me I know as I wasn't aware of too many in the beginning, but I got a good grasp of it, really liked the genre once I'd absorbed everything and I had the time to make that adjustment as it wasn't a full band then. In fact (for Lee's benefit) I did start out as a temporary fixture before I realized how much I enjoyed it, and I'm sure if there was another drummer / mate that Glyn would have been confident with, who owned alot of records by the bands we admire in Pop-punk, that drummer / mate would've been doing this instead of me.
Wow, abit of an essay but that's my initial input. Hope it makes sense. I guess from here we should think about whether we actually want another guitarist or not, and what they should be capable of (backing vocals / writing / willingness to promote, etc), and then decidee if this Will fits the criteria.
There's my thoughts, and I'll have a think of what my opinion should be on the guitarist subject, not specifically for Will right now.

Dave Lombardo
p.s might be an idea to have Lee play with this Will at an open mic night, see how he is in a way that's not directly for us.


Glyn replied saying they’re all very good points and he’ll give it a think over tonight. After this I eat some dinner downstairs then come back upstairs to do even more Myspace stuff, including editing some stuff on the Mantus page. I’ve also been thinking of what line-up to have as the next gig I put on in Derby. At the moment I’m thinking Nekrosis, Mantus, maybe Rust Inhaler and some other band, but I’m not sure yet. I finally download channel 4 on demand where I can watch Ch4 shows for free and watch The Gathering by Derren Brown. I talk to Melle a bit, then watch some Reaper. Although I couldn’t watch the pilot episode (I tried renting it online but it didn’t work) I got into it easily and ended up really liking it. I resist the urge to watch more though and instead watch Meet Ricky Gervais, which I didn’t know even existed. I add some people to the Rutherfords page while watching this as well as advertising the Richard Bracchus gig (We need to get 20 people down there to keep the promoter happy) then head downstairs to eat and watch The League Of Gentlemen. I get back upstairs to use the Internet and wind up watching 3 episodes of Derren Brown’s Trick or treat, getting to bed much later than intended at 3.30am.

Woke up a couple of times, the second being a little after 9am. Melle was insisting I call the doctor about my problem last night, and as tired as I am I know that she’s right in saying that I have to so I muster up the energy to get the phone from downstairs. The nurse practitioner calls back a little later and after describing my problem she tells me a male doctor will call me later this morning. I sleep until he calls me at 11.30am and again I describe what happened – That I bled during intercourse but there’s now no pain, I’m not urinating blood and that Melle actually found some skin in the toilet last night after using it, which must have been mine. The doctor tells me to simply wait it out, and it should hopefully be healed by the weekend. If there’s any discharge or anything I should contact them again.

With that out of the way me and Melle lie in bed talking for ages, and once I’ve got the energy we end up trying out my injured man-piece. This time we decide to use a condom though, as we usually don’t and I figure with no mixture of body fluids there’s less risk of me feeling any pain. It works out well, and as it’ been a while I don’t last more than 10 minutes. We cuddle up and talk, and it’s not until gone 2.30 pm that we head downstairs for tea and toasties. I wash up afterwards (all the while listening to the Ramones tribute album) and we both do a little internet stuff. We decide to watch Mallrats before Melle leaves, and then we’re both in the mood for Jay and Silent Bob strike again, so a double dosage of comedy it is. We’re then both up for another lay, and now that I got it out of my system earlier we’re at it for an hour, and good God it’s the best lay that both of us have had for a long time.

We both get ready to walk to the bus stop (not easy when you’re light-headed) and say our goodbyes once we’re there. I see Shaun (Elmo must die) while at the Co-op too and we discuss the gig at PJ’s Snooker club in Ripley that he offered us (The Rutherfords) earlier today, which will take place on Friday 14th March with EMD, Abacination and Hudson. He drives me home and we talk for 10 minutes, then I get in and do some internet stuff. This includes asking Datora if I can bring a +1 to their gig at the Old angel tomorrow as their singer told me last night that he would put me on the guest list, and I get a message on facebook from a girl called Nicky Blakeley who happens to be my cousin. She’s the daughter of Keith, my uncle who my Dad only found out about a year or two ago, so there’s a side of the family that we don’t really know at all. I’ve only met Keith once so far when My Dad invited him to our area, and all of our side of the family went out for a meal for the occasion. Keith was sat at our table for the evening so I got to talk to him quite a bit, and he seems like a decent bloke. As cool as the evening was, it was spoiled a little bit my a cousin of mine (or step cousin) getting harassed in the toilet by a guy because she was dressed kinda slutty. There were also a couple of the same family who got drunk and acted pretty embarrassing (mooning for example) so me and my Dad felt a bit embarrassed on behalf, not really knowing what Keith must think, but other than that the evening was sweet. Anyway, it turns out this Nicky who got in touch today likes to sing a lot, and she lives in Leeds with her Dad. She seems to want to get to know a little about me which is cool, although I don’t think she knows about me having any siblings…I’ll tell her soon.

After this I head downstairs to eat while watching Two pints and QI before heading up here to update this (I’m behind) and find out the Datora decided not to reply to my +1 request. Other internet fun is had, including the completion of an IQ test on facebook, where I score 120. The average is 100 so that’s pretty awesome. I get into bed at 3am.

Feb 26th - SpeedTheory gig day

Since mid-January now I've been keeping a daily diary on my computer without submitting anything online. I won't put all those entries up on here now as no-one would want to read about my boring ass-life in the last month in one sitting, but I am going to start posting my daily entries now. I guess todays as good a day as any to start:

I had my alarm set to 11am, but I still don’t get up until about 45 minutes later. I get some tea and surf Myspace followed by showering. I need clothes when I’m clean so I go downstairs and see Ian talking with Mum, or rather just sitting there as none of them say a word until I get back upstairs. Talk about awkward. I don’t like him being here but my instinct was still to say hello rather than anything negative. I get my shit ready upstairs, eat some beans on toast before leaving and head off to Derby on the bus.

Once I’m in Derby I have the horrible job of carrying my amp head to the Vic, which takes 15 minutes or so. I’m relieved to get it there when I do as it’s bloody heavy, and once it’s dropped off I head back into town to meet Melle. Her bus is later than she said it would be so I wander over to the Blue dog to leave some flyers on all the tables for tonight’s gig, hoping that there may be some people here later who fancy coming on the spur of the moment. On the way out I bump into Airon (Rust inhaler) and a mate of his who was at the gig we played in the Old angel this month. We chit chat for a few minutes then I head off to finally meet Melle.

It’s great seeing her when she arrives…it’s been a fair few days since we last saw each other and that wasn’t for all that long. We weren’t allowed to be intimate before either so this is great for both if us. She decides she wants a belt as she’s been paid today, so we look around a few places at various clothes. One of those places is Haze, an alternative clothes shop, and I enquire about a job position as sales assistant that they have. I tell them I’ll drop a C.V in this week as interviews are next week. Once it’s time we head up to Thew’s and eat chicken and chips, then head to the Vic.

SpeedTheory are there already as we arrive at about 5.50pm. I talk a little bit, mainly to Wez (singer / guitarist) and he’s an ace bloke. We talk about the Haunted and Municipal waste as well as general music related stuff, with Alex (drummer) contributing a little as well. I get some cash and shit across the road and Wez asks me if there’s a rider for them. We didn’t arrange one as I wasn’t sure if this would have been needed for them and Amenti, so we head off to buy 3 bottles of pop and chips for them all, as they’re not fussy at all. It feels a little awkward but everything’s fine. We all soundcheck rather smoothly except for Datora, who can’t because their drummer won’t arrive until 8pm. Everything is a little rushed by the time they’re ready to start but everything thankfully runs exactly to schedule for the whole night. It sucks that all support bands could only play for 25 minutes (including us) but everything works out well and we all seem to have a great time. We get 43 paying customers through the door, allowing me to pay Datora £15, give Marc and Thew £12.50 each and pocket £25 myself. It isn’t until later that I realize I should have taken more to cover costs (£10 rider, £5 flyer printing, and arguably £15 to recoup the losses from the Mansfield gig last month) so considering this I actually gave Marc and Thew more than me (dagnabbit) but what’s done is done and at least I didn’t lose anything!

The only annoying thing about tonight is Two:Minutes:Hate brought a load of people to see them, so naturally a lot of people left the venue before us or SpeedTheory could play our set. There was still a reasonable crowd but it would’ve really topped the night off if everyone had stayed. Never mind though, all the bands got on and played well. Datora sounded incredible (even though I couldn’t actually watch them as I was taking cash with Melle) and I later found out this is only their 6th gig, meaning their 3rd gig was the one supporting Still Remains! Two:Minutes:Hate sounded alright, but the fact they got the loudest cheer to a Disturbed cover says everything. SpeedTheory didn’t disappoint either, who came across as genuinely funny blokes too. As for our performance, we played good but it wasn’t among our best performances. Glyn actually pointed out the issue of tuning again, and it seems that Marc’s strings need changing on his bass as things sounded out of tune when he played higher up on the neck. I must mention this to him, particularly if we’re recording on Friday.

Once we’re done me and Melle head home with Mum and Graham, and Mum kindly says I don’t need to pay her petrol money, just keep up with the board payments. It’s a great feeling having left the gig, as this is the first one I’ve arranged that has been genuinely successful in every way. We have a drink and a chip butty and casually talk up in my room while listening to some tunes. It gets to about 1am and we realize there’s an EARTHQUAKE! It’s a weird feeling upon that realisation, and it wasn’t too violent here (just clattering drum cymbals and moving posters, as well as seeing the room shake) but it certainly gets my heart racing. What seems almost more strange to me is that it’s about 10-15 minutes later when Marc calls me, telling me that it happened in Heanor only 3 minutes before he called. It sounds like it was more violent there, nearly throwing Marc off the bed and moving most things in his room, and I kinda find it funny how something like this suddenly has people calling each other to compare stories. Jojo calls me a while later for the same reason, telling me that her sister Gemma was screaming as if it was a horror movie. I later find out (tomorrow) that the Earthquake measured 5.2 on the Richter scale, but obviously we didn’t get the bulk of it as it was a nationwide event.

Me and Melle continue chatting while I give her a foot massage (kinda) and we finally lay down together on the bed and start to make out. One thing leads to another and she ends up riding me in some of the most romantic sex we’ve ever had, but something’s wrong…it hurts as soon as I enter her, but I keep going slowly even though it’s painful. After a short while I speed up (feeling that she wants to) and suddenly there is no pain. We stop to change positions and I look down to find that MY PENIS IS BLEEDING. Man, it’s a scary sight, and I don’t mean the foreskin is cut – it’s coming from inside the foreskin under the helmet. There’s a fair amount of blood (about the same as an average nosebleed I guess) but there’s no pain now we’ve stopped. It’s almost funny how I don’t get too freaked out about it, yet Melle almost throws up knowing that this has happened and I was inside her when it did. I clean myself up and look up what it could be on the internet, which isn’t much help, so I just decide I should call a doctor in the morning.

Once we climb into bed Melle tells me she’s worried about us, and that she’s been thinking this way since our big argument the other week. She basically feels like it’s her and me, rather than us in this relationship, and for a while I think she’s going to end the relationship with what she’s saying. After everything is off her chest, she insists that she feels better for it, and it seems like she realizes she does want us to work. We talk about this for maybe an hour, and when we’re finally settled down from this, the bleeding incident and the earthquake we manage to get to sleep at gone 4am.

Writer's Block: Sticks and Stones

What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone?
Hmm...I generally avoid saying things that are too mean, but there's one instance that comes to mind. During an argument with my Mum she complained about me swearing and I said there's much worse words. It escalated, and I shouted "CUNT, CUNT, CUNT" in my Mum's face. I wasn't calling her a Cunt, I was simply saying the 'naughty' word but I think she saw it as me directly calling her that, which made it far worse.

Jul. 8th, 2007

There's been a fair amount that's gone off since I last updated this, which was so long ago it's embarrassing. Firstly I finished my degree at Nottingham. I got my results just a few days ago, and I'm baffled to say the least...how on earth did I manage to get a 2.1 for my dissertation??? I did most of it in about four days. You know what - there are websites that offer to write a dissertation to that standard in a few days for hundreds of pounds. To think I equaled that is beyond belief for me considering I barely passed in HND. AND, my dissertation got the highest mark out of every module in the course! I got a 2.2 overall, which kinda sucks, but I nearly failed so I should be happy.

We played our first gig too on June 16th, we being The Rutherfords. It wasn't bad as far as first gigs go, but it had that atmosphere I hate where the place is full of kids who hang outside, and have come down simply to see their mates. So the place was only half full with little interest shown in any of the bands, but there seemed to be some impressed faces. Not bad to say every song was fucked up apparently. Not by me of course (ego alert) but I'm sure things will work out. We have a few coming up soon so they bloody best do! Annoyingly we got our first Mantus gig too, but it turns out it clashes with the final Mouth gig before Alex moves to Newcastle. Huge bummer! The plus side is the venue, the Town Mill in Mansfield asked us so they must think we're alright, I'm sure they'll keep their word and offer us another slot.

More recently I've signed on and it's taking...SO long to get my first installment. That would be fine but I now have £1.40 to my name and I'm still being made to pay board. I need a job, and fast! I'm even contemplating a short return to Ladbrokes if needs be. At least I know what I'm getting myself in for. I just can't wait to move to Nottingham around my Rutherfords buds and other friends in the area. Although I've started considering Derby now - I've met some awesome people there in the last few months, namely Thew, Kira and Kate. 

Speaking of Derby, how awesome was Napalm death last night??? Answer - funking blinding. I haven't headbanged so hard in a long while, but if I'd have carried on much longer I wouldn't have been able to look straight. They played every song I wanted them to except Unnecessary evil, but that's ok. The songs I least expected them to play from the latest album were there, those being In deference, Persona non grata and Smear campaign. Those are some of the highlights of the album for me, which is my favorite Napalm album by the way so I was a happy bunny indeed. Providing I can make it I shall probably be going to the Mansfield show too, partially 'cus the support bands are decent, and certainly better than Heretic and Enemo-J from the Derby show.

To say how poor I am right now I would have waited for the Mansfield show but I went for social reasons as much as anything. Kate, the girl that put me in touch with Thew for Mantus allowed me to crash at hers along with Kira so I must confess that was kinda my ulterior motive. Me and Kira have gotten on rather well since we met. It was cool talking to her for hours over the night and the following morning. It's tough to work out if this'll lead anywhere but maybe that's just me doubting myself as usual. My confidence in music is pretty high but real issues like this are totally different for me. All I'm really bothered about right now is getting some cash together so we can hang out again pretty soon. Be cool to see her much more regular.

Oh I almost forgot, I saw The Blood brothers and Converge this week too. Both were great gigs, but I must express my annoyance at the Blood brothers. Again they played the bulk of their latest album as they did on their previous two tours with their now penultimate album, which kinda puts me off seeing them again if I'm honest. As much as I love the latest stuff, their third album ...Burn piano island burn got me into the band, and I'd heard nothing like it before at the time. It's simply one of my all time favorite albums, and the two songs that they bothered to play from there are my two least favorite. How fuckin annoying. And I also realized, if they release another DVD, I ain't gonna have any songs from that album on film that I care about. Thrice get to me in this way too, and NOFX come to think of it. I wish bands would realize their early stuff is often just as good as the later period. 

That's it from me for now. Quite a random arrangement I know but I really will keep this updated more often now. I have sleep to catch up on.

May. 2nd, 2007

Oh my dear God! If you were to ask me right now what the definition of 'hypocrite' was, I'd just tell you to look at Madina Lake! Between songs in their support slot to the Used at Rock city tonight, the vocalist announced that "We are not doing this for the money, the fame, the girls,  the trend, the scene, we are doing it for the love of music", or words to that extent. How can that be a genuine statement with the Lost prophets type hair, the generic style of music that's never off Kerrang / Scuzz et al. right now, the pretty boy image. I know I could be wrong, but if you ask me, unless the band were doing that before the scene, they most certainly ARE doing that for fame, money, the scene! I actually laughed out loud, with the only thing missing being a 'Say no to emo' T-shirt around my chest.

Despite my little rant against the complete opposite of a 'pure' attitude to music, I actually enjoyed my visit to the gig tonight. The experience was...different to say the least, and a bit odd. It wasn't mine that counted tonight though, I was there to watch over my 13 year old Sister Lucy and her friend, their first experience of this kind. I kinda wanted to be there for her first gig, and I don't really think the Used are too bad, plus I got a free ticket out of it so I can't complain at all. It's just weird when I'm playing the Dad role, having to grab Lucy from the claws of the feared (or un-feared in her case) Wall of death, and leading her friend out of the pit 'cus she got crushed more than she thought she could handle. 

It wasn't just that, I really kinda felt old for the first time at a gig like this. I'm not too bothered because I hate the commercial music scene that the kids are into these days, but it was a reminder that time seems to be slipping and that I shouldn't have spent my 2 years out of college working dead end or not at all, and that in the days of my old Punk band the Dodgems we really should have done more with it. What kind of band are together for 4 years and don't realease a single ep, and only play about a dozen gigs. Look at me to learn more! The Rutherfords and Mantus have certainly learned that lesson!

There were some very positive things about being older than the masses I have to say. It's great to walk up to the bar in a place like that and only have to wait for one person before me to get served. No waiting, no ID to worry about, and no asshole starting any shit with me in the pit. It felt good. And the addition of my beard with the long hair seems to be working just as well as it has for the last 3 months - no-one in public has said a single bad thing to me the whole time. Usually if I'd pushed my way through between bands someone may have had a go at me, but not tonight, for it's the mighty super beard! It's amazing how people can be treated so differently with a simple hair style.

Joking aside, it's good to see gigs like this from a different angle than usual. Instead of getting lost in the music (I did enjoy it still) I could see the reactions of the crowd in more depth, and how much joy people can have from seeing their heroes. It kind of reminded me of my first gigs - jumping around oblivious to other peoples perception of how you look, wondering what it's really like to feel several hundred people pushing you further forward, and wondering what it must be like to play to all those adoring fans.  To give people that feeling is yet to come for me, but here's to hoping I'll be up there in the next few years!

A late update - Take 2

God knows what I'm doing here when I should be working on my dissertation amongst other things for college. I'm just so prone to distraction it's ridiculous but here I am. I mean, I have 9,000 words to write, and it's due in 18 days!!! But that's the way I work, I leave everything so late, but i always manage to get it done in the end though. This is by far the worst I've left it though. To be fair, I can surprise myself, which makes me think of the string quartet I wrote for recording a few weeks ago. I'm amazed at how well it turned out for my first attempt. I'm quite modest when it comes to talking about my own compositions but even 3 weeks after the recording my lecturer had been talking to a friend of mine about how impressed he was. It ain't the apparent quality of the work I'm so happy with though, it's the fact that I wrote half of the 3 minute piece the day before it was due, in 6 hours. I've always dreamed of being able to bang out a composition and I really feel I'm getting to the point where I can work so efficiently. AND I was compared to Debussy in a positive way. DE-FUCKIN-BUSSY!!!

Anyway it's been so long since I wrote my first entry, I'll struggle to even remember everything that's happened since then. I did write one a while ago but the whole thing bloody crashed and I didn't save it. Lesson learned! Not this time. In fact I'll copy it write now. Safe up to here then!

It's been a great few weeks in some ways, and bad in others. I've had quite abit of trouble at home, although it has been quiet for a couple of weeks to be fair. I got into a huge argument yesterday and I heard that my brother was going to change the locks on my Mothers behalf so I can't get in. He has so many complaints but he never says anything to me, which winds me up beyond belief. If he were a real man he'd actually say what was bothering him to me. It sucks cus we used to be quite close, and I hope we can be again. Anyway, I don't wanna bitch. My Mother's over her breakdown now and that's the main thing in the family. My girlfriend Jojo has been off week for 3 weeks now though with depression, but it ain't anyting too serious in comparison. Just a whole heap of stress for me.

Enough bitching. Onto the good stuff. I've been rehearsing with both of my bands lately, Mantus and the Rutherfords. It's odd how both of these have come together at around the same time, after looking for a Rutherfords bassist for nearly a year and a whole band for Mantus for about 3. I really couldn't imagine a more suitable drummer for this style though. I have played through one of the songs, 'You're dead' with 5 drummers now, and Thew picked it up LOADS faster than the other guys, and actually improved it. He made the damn song heavier! And although the 2nd rehearsal wasn't the best (we were both off form through drunkenness or a tough day with the gal) we got through 5 songs. They aren't perfect, but they ain't easy by any stretch either and I couldn't be happier with the progress made. My only concern is that Naps, the bassist, won't be so committed but we'll see how things go.

The Rutherfords have been loads of fun to play through. Mantus is my pride and joy, I've always wanted to play Metal, and it's the composition aspect and how people take to it that really makes me wanna do it. If I'm honest I think playing Punk is more fun, and I've really started to settle into the drum role now. It's such a different experience to playing the guitar, and dare I say more enjoyable? That's a tough one. But I can't wait to play this stuff live too. Lee is a great addition to the band too. When he's on form is backing vocals really do bring the band to life. 

Copy > safe

I've recently set my heart on moving to Nottingham this Summer too, which would really great for the bands, with all but Thew living there. I like the idea of sharing a place with a few other people. Me and Jojo went to a bbq at Glyn's (Rutherfords singer / guitarist) a few weeks ago and met some of the housemates. It's not often I meet new people and don't find myself hating someone, or feeling out of place somehow, but it was a really great night and I'd be very happy to clash glasses with those dudes and dudettes again sometime soon. Enough rambling from me anyway. I'll do my best too keep this thing more up to date from now. That's if my computer doesn't explode!