As for what I did today, not a lot. The internet wasn’t working all day, until 3am in the morning, I think it’s because I unplugged the router and re-plugged it again, to talk to Melle without interference. Went on Myspace and updated my journal after 3am. Had a little jam on the guitar and drums earlier too. In the day I watched Jersey girl plus the extras, Whose line is it anyway?, Two pints, clerks: the first cut and read some of Milan Kundera’s The unbearable lightness of being. It's odd how I cry more when watching flicks now than I have done before. In fact I never cried to anything on TV until the last year or so. I've seen Jersey girl a bunch of times, a very much under-rated film and today was the only time it brought tears to my eyes, in multiple scenes. This was before I'd received some bad news, I was just pissed at my internet connection not working. 

I'm turning into a big sap.

Got woken up by Jo at Glyn’s place at 11am. She made some toast and tea, and we watched some TV (joined by Glyn) before leaving at 12pm. I wind up spending most of today online. My computer’s infected with some virus so everything takes a lot longer to get done than it should do, so I defrag the computer too which helps a little. During my online shenanigans I get in touch with a few promoters to try and get The Rutherfords some more gigs, and also fuck up the Myspace page with a mix-up using the html. Lee sorts it out though thank god. I wanted to head down to Nottingham tonight for Mark’s birthday outing but being so skint I skip it. He calls me though and mentions his friend wants Mantus to play at his house warming up in Manchester this June. Apparently he’s living with 10 other people, their back garden is a field and all the equipment will be there. Sounds killer!

Lucy comes up crying pretty late on because she’s been arguing with Mum over a pretty simple misunderstanding. Luckily I’ve drawn some board money out for Mum, so I give her that and ask if there’s anything that needs doing as housework, as this is the stem of their argument. Turns out there’s nothing to be done and I say my piece, and for once there’s no shouting match, just agreement – amazing!

I call Melle a while later and we talk, and she seems to be fairly ok with me now. We talk a little bit about our fallout last night, and although I’m not fully forgiven I think things will be alright in a day or two.

I post this bulletin on Myspace later which is related to a conversation I had today:

"Someone I know believes in spirituality and that people can get in touch with spirits through mediums, ouija bords, etc. I'm skeptical with things like that, but I have an open mind and don't rule out the possibility of it being genuine.

This person tells me regularly of things that have happened, you know, personal experiences. This person was quite disappointed when i took part recently and didn't believe there was anything spiritual happening at all. On the other hand, if I talk about reasons I think it is not genuine, this person asks me to stop talking about it because we disagree.

Here's my question...does it seem odd to anyone else that this person thinks it's "disrespectful" for me to voice my opinions, even though I listen to theirs? And is it not ignorant to enthusiastically talk about these beliefs that said person believes in, then refuse to listen to anything I have to say which is contradictory to them?

I just can't get over the idea of only listening to one side of a debate / argument / opinion, as oppose to taking on all the information and forming an opinion from that. From ALL of the information.

Any thoughts please, hit reply.

/ Greg" 

I guess I just needed some other opinion with no bias involved, which is why I said no names or specifically what was done. Got a few responses, all saying they agree with me and I have every right to voice my opinion pretty much. One person who responded implied that she does believe in things like this herself, yet still said, amongst other things “Everyone at the end of the day is entitled to what they believe in....a true believer as much as you are a true sceptic will respect your belief and will not get upset by nor question it.”

Rant over.

Get up at 10am, drink tea, have breakfast, burn a Rutherfords demo off and scan in my contacts list from Workbook 6 from last night. The bus is late so I end up 15 minutes late for my appointment with my Industry advisor, but he’s cool with it. We talk about what I need to be doing in the next two weeks, which is to finish recording with both bands and get in touch with a shit load of people, be it promoters, artist managers, publishers or webzines. I leave and decide to treat myself to a (disappointing) MacDonald’s, edit and print the Rutherfords biography (taking on Lee’s input) and stick it in an envelope. Head over to the bus station and go over to Ripley with the intention of dropping off our demo / Biog to the promoter of Ripley music festival directly, but I then realize I’m not actually passing his place on the bus. That means it’s a half hour walk to his place from Ripley, so I have a change of heart an decide to head home. I’ll stick it in the post 2^nd class once I find out how many stamps I need, and I’m sure a few days won’t make any difference.

I’m only home for an hour or so, during which time I eat, check Myspace and call Melle to arrange going over to her end tonight. I’ll only be there for two hours if I’m coming home tonight, with nearly four hours traveling there and back, but I probably won’t see her until Tuesday so I ignore the fact that I’m drained. I have to admit I got a little cranky on the way over through tiredness, an unknown pain on the lower part of my body, itchy eyes and a constant pain in my left ear. I’m starting to fear I’ll get an infection in my second ear now after the right one has finally cleared up.

Being cranky already I’m naturally rather quiet when we’re round at Melle’s friends house. I was further annoyed that Melle didn’t bother coming to meet me, despite me still being unfamiliar with the area, particularly when I traveled all the way to Nottingham to meet her when we started dating, to get on the bus with her to mine. There’s an easily spotted shop too to act as a reference point, and I was to manage finding her place for the first time on my own, with no company. Still, I’m pretty tolerable of a lot of things so it wasn’t worth bringing up. I find the place ok anyhow and there’s Melle, her friend and friends partner, plus another couple who I haven’t met before, later joined by a Shrek look-alike (apparently). We spent the whole evening here until I left at 10.40 as I’d arranged to crash at Glyn’s in Nottingham for the night, getting a ride home with Jo tomorrow. As nice as it was to meet these people, some for the first time, I didn’t really want to be there the whole evening. Nothing against them, but I’d come down to spend time with Melle as it’d be a few days after today until we see each other again. If I’d been around for longer, I’m sure I’d have been very happy spending so much time here, but just an hour with Melle alone was all I wanted. Still, I’m pretty tolerable of a lot of things so I didn’t bring it up as I don’t want to wreck a good party.

Having said all that, I instantly liked Adam, the guy part of the couple that I hadn’t met yet. We winded up having a pretty great discussion about spirituality, the concept of alien life forms, religion, psychics and psychology, with us being on pretty much the same wavelength. The topics were brought up because we’d been using a ouija board before that point, so while the girls were upstairs (I think Melle’s friend, who was the host of the party and owned the ouija board, was pretty upset and needed consoling) me and Adam naturally shared our thoughts. Those thoughts are basically those of a skeptic with regards to this activity, and with my first experience of using a ouija board, it’d be putting it mildly to say my belief hasn’t been strengthened at all. I’d say I’m even more of a skeptic now if I’m honest.

Now I’m a pretty open minded bloke. I’m not a religious guy at all, I’m an agnostic. I really don’t know what to believe for sure, but there is a part of me that does believe that something happens after our death, unlike the viewpoint of an atheist. So I’m open to the idea of the possibility of something unexplainable happening during the use of a ouija board, but I’m not convinced at the moment. On the other hand, I’m absolutely convinced that there are cases (personally I think a very high percentage of the cases) where whoever is using a ouija board will move the glass themselves without realizing they are doing it. I’m sorry to all of the believers, but I’m absolutely convinced that the second scenario is what happened last night. I can list several reasons why I think this…and ok, I will:

• Janes’s (The host, I’ve changed her name because I don’t wanna cause any shit) finger had a change in colour when she had it on the moving glass, implying to me that there’s enough pressure being submitted to move the glass herself, rather than lightly resting her finger.
• The glass barely moved at all when Jane wasn’t touching the glass, regardless of who else was making the physical contact, or how many of them were. One of those people has done it here before when it was just her and Jane, yet tonight it didn’t happen.
• When the glass did move without Jane’s contact, it didn’t spell out anything that could be called a sentence or anything meaningful.
• The above point could be debated by some people because Jane was reading the words that were spelt out loud, regardless of who had contact, herself included. These words were often only half-spelled, something that not only I picked up on. So when it did move a little without her contact, Jane was saying things that weren’t actually spelt.
• Linked to that is Jane apparently being able to do this without the glass at all. Watching this, I could see her eyes darting around the board as if the glass was there, and reading what she saw. Of course, nothing physical could be seen and it looked nothing more like her making these words up herself, believing they were the spirits.
• There was no great revelation or information revealed to surprise anyone. Everything revealed was what Jane already knew, thought, suspected, or felt. Even if that was just a part of her.
• Jane only uses a ouija board when she’s been drinking. Of course, drinking makes people more comfortable with saying what they think, suspect or believe, and a drunk is less likely to question anything.
• Jane kept saying “Do something to show Greg that this is real”. She later said a few times to the other skeptic that she doesn’t care if he believes her or not. Kinda hypocritical to me.
• This spirit apparently said he liked me because I believed the whole predicament. I’d already made my mind up that it was Jane who controlled everything, so wouldn’t the spirit know this?
• The other skeptic in the group told Jane to ask the spirit how much smack he gave him the last time he saw him. Of course, this wasn’t answered.
• When words were spelt out, there were times when Jane said the word when there was nothing remotely like that word spelt out at all. One instance was when she read the word ‘that’, but I am 100% sure the letters spelt were T.S. She wasn’t reading what the glass spelt, she was reading what came into her mind.
• The other skeptic spotted that a B was selected instead of A, and X instead of Y (may have been the other way around, I’m not sure). This was when the glass was moving really slowly as Jane wasn’t touching it, so it was clear that he was right. Jane of course said it was in fact the other letter, when no part of the glass was over it at all. I don’t believe for a second that the others watching didn’t notice this too.
• Jane insisted she had the board a particular way around. If this was genuinely a spirit I wouldn’t have thought that would have mattered.
• The other skeptic had been light-heartedly taking the piss, nothing too severe though in my opinion, just saying what he observed. Jane got pissed at him after a while, saying it was actually the spirit that was pissed. Now the whole time Jane made contact with this glass, it moved very fast, which is why there were so many times a word was misspelled but I was never totally sure, apart from the one time I mentioned. When Jane said to the piss-taker “I swear it’s not me doing this, you’re really pissing him (the spirit) off now”, and other stuff to that effect, I observed the glass moved a lot slower and spelt no particular words, often not going as close to letters as it had done before. When she’d finished her short outburst, the glass again picked up speed and spelt words more clearly, because Jane was focusing on this again. Surely if a spirit was moving the glass, there would have been no change in pace and would have still moved to particular letters.
  

Now for things that happened which told me that there may be some truth about the spirit moving the glass….nothing, nata, zilch! And I almost feel bad saying that. The only one thing that comes close is when Jane had her finger on the glass and it was no longer moving, and the glass flew a few inches from her. I wasn’t looking though, and I doubt anyone else was focusing on the glass at that point. So I can only presume she’d involuntarily flicked her wrist during whatever it was she was saying. Not too hard to believe I don’t think, considering so many people move body parts when they talk without realizing how much they do it. Still, I almost felt kinda bad. At least if I or someone else felt just a little something, or if the lights flickered out, or any other number of things that I hear can happen indeed happened, I’d be able to say “yeah maybe that was something genuine. I’d like to try again to see what happens next time”. But no, I can’t believe that nothing more than the subconscious was present during this session, and most likely other sessions in the household. And believe me, I was kinda looking forward to seeing something strange happen, just something that could raise my excitement a little and have me wondering “surely there has to be more to just a mortal life”. And come on, it’d be great to actually believe that there is some kind of afterlife, a comfort for when we’re all facing death, so why would I be so against the idea of a spirit coming though?

Despite everything said above that further encourages my skepticism (not cynicism, lets be clear) I do still have an open mind about an afterlife and about spirits contacting us mere, naive mortals. But while that’s an uncertainty to me, the notion of people subconsciously moving the glass without realizing they are doing so most definitely is a certainty. Maybe both things happen, but I know one of those scenarios takes place, which is what happened last night in my opinion.

The really sad thing is that Jane clearly has troubles with her fella, who I’ll call Bob. I know nothing about their troubles, except for Jane saying “I’ve been putting up with this for 15 months now, and I’ve had enough”, with further talk of getting rid of her fella, and expressing how she deserves better, to the echo of her female friends. I don’t really wanna know right now what the problems are, and I’m totally unbiased here as I barely know either of them. But last nights event certainly didn’t help things, and it seems to me like they made it worse. Jane’s opinion was that this spirit was saying Bob isn’t good enough for her, and the spirit was threatening to either kill or harm Bob in some way, with Jane saying “I’ll burn the board if you talk about that”. My opinion, with the belief that Jane was saying things from her own conscious or subconscious, is that she herself thinks Bob isn’t good enough for her (or at least some part of her) and that part of her would like to harm him. I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything serious to him, as we’ve all said “I’ll kill him / her” at some point in anger, exaggerating our feelings. But I heard Jane talk about him not being good enough for her only an hour before, if that, and how she’s put up with stuff for long enough. This was when Bob had nipped out for 20 minutes (I think), so they clearly have issues that they haven’t resolved, and I presume they haven’t talked about all of their problems with utter honesty. I later saw that Bob doesn’t believe in ouija boards, at all by the sound of it. I may be wrong, but I got the impression his mind isn’t open at all. So it wasn’t difficult for me to see that when the spirit said that Bob wasn’t good for Jane, with him sat right there, he took it as Jane saying that herself. Spirit or no spirit, I heard for myself that she thinks this herself without the use of a ouija board. That’s when we all stopped using the board and Jane needed consoling by the other girls.

I realize I’m writing about someone else in quite some detail in this entry, but I’m including it to reflect on my beliefs. If I look back on this years from now, my belief will either be re-enforced, or I’ll be thinking how naïve I am now, depending on what I see in the future. But it seems to me like Jane believes in this in the same way a fundamentalist might believe in Christianity or any other religion. I know that if I’d have pointed out one of the many things I listed above, which I was tempted to so many times (in a polite and respectful way of course), that Jane wouldn’t stop to think for just a second of a logical reason she may be investing her beliefs in something totally false. I really wanted to ask her why she doesn’t use it when she’s sober, or why she thinks it’s not working tonight, or why she says words that clearly haven’t been spelt, and many other points. She believes it so much though that there really would be no point, plus I just don’t like to offend nice people. I even didn’t want to touch the glass at all because I was fairly sure (open-minded enough to wonder if it would move with me touching it, and not Jane) that nothing significant would happen. Her later saying “Do something to prove to Greg that it’s real” tells me that I had good reason for not wanting to touch it. I really saw desperation in her face and heard it in her voice at times because of us skeptics in the room, and I'm amazed that she wasn't alone in choosing to see anything that supported her belief, whilst dismissing anything that refuted it. I can at least understand it from her as she's apparently in touch with an ex, but for the other girls who believe it to have so much bias like Jane herself baffles me. Biased opinions are so powerful but for all the wrong reasons, and I'm positive that if I'd have secretly installed a clear camera to show the whole board at all times, those occasions where the interpreted words were clearly not spelled out would be proven on camera. Yet I'm sure there would be some way this information would be brushed aside somehow.  I guess to paraphrase a line from Kevin Smith in his film dogma, “Mankind gets it all wrong by taking a good idea and building a belief structure on it. It’s better to have an idea, changing a belief is trickier. People do radical things for it”.

That’s enough of my rant about my view on peoples perceptions of the unknown. Once it’s time to leave Melle walks with me to the Nottingham bus, and I know she’s annoyed at me for some reason, not related to tonight. She is, and we briefly say our piece before I leave. All the way to Glyn’s I have so many thoughts going round in my head to do with the disagreement, tonights activities, deeper issues between me and Melle and philosophical ideas. So much so that it doesn’t seem long at all before I get to Glyn’s. I eat some chips on the way over, and we talk for a while, about their recent holiday in Prague mainly, then watch Silent hill, a film we’ve all seen before.

We turn in at 1.30am, but I lay there until 3.15am, unable to sleep despite feeling incredibly tired and the heaviness of my eyelids. There are just too many thoughts going around in my head for the whole time, and again, it really doesn’t feel like I’d been lay there for an hour and a fourty-five minutes. I turn on the lights and read the rest of My boring-ass life by Kevin Smith, with the final chapter being about his time in Die hard 4.0, a film I’m yet to see. Thankfully it’s calmed me down, and although it takes some effort I manage to keep my mind off what was keeping me awake. I even have to resort to singing Rutherfords songs in my head to my amusement. It’s nearly 5am when I manage to get to sleep.

Dammit! I overlay by a good couple of hours or so. Turns out I tried setting my alarm last night (I remember doing it clearly) but I must’ve failed to hit ‘Yes’ when asked if I’m sure. Oh well, I still manage to do what I absolutely must do, I just need to get a move on and I can’t do any of the music workbooks for the job centre. So I hurry up with some limited Myspace stuff, a quick shower, get my gear sorted and eat before heading to Alfreton to print my covering letter and CV for Haze, an alternative clothes shop in Derby.

Once done I nip in  shop while waiting for the bus, and get stopped by a guy in his late fifties, saying “Are you heading for the stairway to heaven?”. He’s a drummer, and seeing my Guitar he made that comment, which resulted in us having a little chat about music. I tell him I play for Mantus and he says he’ll keep a look out for us. Half a minute later I get to the bus stop, and a guy in his forties says “I’ll ask the question first…how long have you been playing the violin?” I think he was trying to be funny. Another five minute chat ensues, although he seems to want to talk rather than listen, and doesn’t answer when I ask what he plays. He just gives little nods and changes the subject…odd. I kinda like the whole thing about being stopped to chat because a common interest is shared, I’d just never do it with other people because I think it’s often seen as strange to want to talk to a complete stranger if you’re not in a social setting such as a pub.

This bus is about 15 minutes late, like the one earlier, so I’m pushing it to get into Derby on time. I need to hand in my job application today I’m told, and I’m relieved when I see that the shop is still open. Annoyingly, I get to the counter and I’m told that they’ve stopped taking applications. It’s really fucking annoying as I was in here a few days ago and told that handing in my CV today was fine. Seeing as I’m in derby for a gig anyway, I didn’t make a special trip for this earlier in the week, and now I’ve lost out on the opportunity because of some stupid sales assistant who has no idea what’s happening. Thanks! It’s a shame because I was in a rather good mood up until that point. I have very little time left to get Wayne his present, but I manage to stumble across Green Wing: series 2, which I know he likes so I pick it up for him. While in the shop I get a phone call from the Derby council offering me a job interview next week as a relief library assistant. This perks my mood up a bit, and I head over to the Vic.

Tonight should have been an easy gig, and in truth it was. It just seemed pretty worthless. Satnam’s Tash opened the set, who were pretty good at what they do. It was clear that nearly everyone was here to see them though, with almost all of the punters leaving before we played our set. This machine dropped out, so in attendance for us was a fairly miserable 5 people – 2 promoters / band members from Knives of death, a friend of Marks by the name of Boff, a bloke in a wheelchair and someone called John Hanson who only caught the last 2 songs, but liked what he heard. It really was one of those gigs that you dread as a band, the prospect of playing to a barely empty room. On the plus side, the promoters asked us if we’d be interested in playing an all-dayer they’re planning, and this John Hanson told me he’s looking for bands to play an all-dayer in Crewe, I just need to find him on Facebook somehow.

Me, Mark and Boff are in a big rush to catch the bus having to miss the headlining band, and I run for the bus to watch it drive off. We’re stranded in Derby and stand outside for half an hour discussing what to do and talking about some hilarious things that Mark has done in the past. We head to Mama Jane’s, get our grub on, fail to find an open pub other than the Walkabout (which we refuse to enter) and decide to head home. It costs me £7.80, but at least I can get my music workbooks done for tomorrow morning. After putting the work off all week, I manage to blitz through it all and finish up collecting contacts at about 4.30am.

Woke up beside Melle at about 11.30am, and we stay in bed until gone 2pm. As we’re getting up we get into a friendly debate about a daft subject, and this escalates into something more serious. It’s music related, involving how we hear something on a song, and I know I am right. I can comfortably work songs out by ear, I got a distinction in Aural perception at college, and I used to play what we were discussing years ago, so I really do know I’m right. Apparently I took this too far. I wasn’t trying to embarrass or offend Melle, I naively thought I’d point out how I heard it and she’d say “Oh yeah, I hear it now” and I’d have felt kinda proud that I can help develop someone’s ear. Instead I’m told I took it too far and I was in the doghouse. After a few hours of talking and what not, we made up, and Melle ended up staying until much later today than she originally intended. We didn’t do much, just chilled out like a happy (ish) couple should.

Once Melle headed home I got some food and got online. I have a lot of work to get done now for Friday morning. I need to answer a load of questions about recording techniques, something I know little about so research needs to be done online. I also need to look for various contacts for both of my bands, from promoters and managers to labels and publishers. I get most of the recording chapter finished with some frustration, then I remember I want to submit The Rutherfords to play Ripley music festival this year. We need to write some sort of biography, so I end up knocking a draft of that up until it’s gone 4am.

I wrote this 4 days after the events took place, so there's little to write as my memory has gone. And I didn't do much anyway.

Get up later than intended. Attempt to look for music contacts as part of my new deal for musicians course, but as the master of procrastination I somehow manage to do pretty much fuck-all until tea time, when Melle gets into Leabrooks. I meet her, we go to the chippy for her (I’ve eaten 2 hours before) and walk up to mine. We talk downstairs and go upstairs. Talk more, do stuff, talk more, do more stuff. She sleeps early while I eat and watch TV downstairs as I ain’t tired, then read a load of My Boring-ass life before joining Melle in bed. We talk for a good while as Melle’s a little refreshed, then finally get to sleep pretty late.

Didn’t get up until about 1.45pm, and I’m annoyed at myself because I realize that I could have got up earlier to record some Mantus vocals while the house is empty. I tend not to record any vocals of my own if people are in, partly because I know people won’t appreciate me shouting lyrics, but mainly because I don’t particularly like singing in front of people unless it’s on stage, fully-rehearsed. I instead head downstairs for some tea and do my usual morning internet stuff. Get some breakfast half an hour later then come upstairs and look through my new deal for musicians workbook that I have to complete by this Friday, as well as updating the Diary for that.

The workbook I’m on is to do with promoting, and pretty much just involves looking up potential contacts for my band in the future, such as labels, managers, promoters, publishers, etc. Naturally I need the internet to find people, so I sign up to the free subscription on the www.musicweek.com website. I get very distracted with carrying out this research though and don’t get as far as I intend, constantly flicking between this and Myspace, amongst other things.

I get a shout at around tea-time from Lucy – her and Mum are going to Derby, presumably to buy Wayne a birthday present, so I’m happy that I’ll be able to record some vocals after all. Wayne comes in half way through the session, but I deal with it and just carry on. I only record It won’t be long as I realize by voice has changed by the time I’ve gone through it a couple of times and re-recorded particular sections, but I think I have everything I need. Recording today was the first time I’ve used something to stop the popping that naturally occurs when saying B’s, P’s, etc. It’s much more clear than past attempts with little distortion, and with the compression and equalization on it sounds pretty decent. All I need to do is put the best vocal takes into the same track now.

I get some dinner after that, watching T.V as I do and wash up what pots are there. After that I feel like playing some Pro evolution soccer 5, but an intended one or two games turns into five of them. By this time I attempt to research contacts again, but again get distracted. It doesn’t help having Lucy playing on my keyboard behind me either, and although she has the headphones in it’s still distracting. Before I know it 10.40pm has rolled around and I realize I’m missing Curb your enthusiasm, so I rush down to watch that, grab some sarnies and head back upstairs to play more PES, do some Myspace stuff and watch some porn. During the time I played PES Mark called me about the SpeedTheory gig – apparently he played the whole gig in standard tuning instead of drop D! It’s a tad annoying but I’m actually not all that bothered by it. I got some feedback by some honest mates on the night, and while it wasn’t our best performance, we’re told it was good all the same. I also say it’d be worth him changing his very old bass strings as the intonation could be out, which would be useful to record with. I intended on tidying my room to save the job tomorrow, but I’m now so tired I go to sleep at 4am.

Wake up at about 12.30pm and Lucy shortly comes up reminding me it’s Mothers day. She thinks she’s waken me up so she leaves me to it, and tells me that Mum’s upset as she’s been alone so far on Mothers day (Lucy just got in from Dad’s and Wayne must be out) and that she’s going to work at 2pm. I feel kinda bad as I didn’t mean to go to bed as late as I did last night, for precisely this reason. I lie in bed for another ten minutes then get dressed, with Lucy coming up again. She wants me to help her write a song for an ensemble study at school, as the people she’s working with seem to be leaving Lucy to do pretty much everything. She asks me a couple of things about drum beats and drone chords on the Guitar, then we head downstairs.

Mum’s in the front room and I wish her happy Mothers day, giving her a card and the fancy chocolates I bought her. I did intend to sneak out today to get her some wine, but that was pretty much unavoidable with Lucy knowing I was around, so I just tell Mum I’ll get her some wine later as well. She says I don’t have to. Wayne gets home and gives Mum her stuff, then heads upstairs out of the way while I make tea and help Lucy work out how to use her Guitar tuner that I bought her so long ago. I make toast, Mum heads to work at 2pm and I watch some crappy T.V.

Head upstairs to do some internet stuff and my right lens in my glasses suddenly jumps out of the frame, hitting my eye. I barely touched it and I spend ten minutes looking for it while listening to the new Pig destroyer album, which ain’t bad. Talk to Jojo online, and the other days argument seems to be forgotten, but I apologize for calling her a bitch anyway. Apparently she’s moving to Butlins in Skegness this Summer, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I tell her I’m off for a while, but I just sign offline so that I can watch the rest of Derren Brown’s Trick or treat series. Afterwards I watch a couple of episodes of Reaper while adding a load of people to The Rutherfords page, then when I’m finally done I head downstairs for some grub.

I decide seeing as it’s Mothers day I’ll do a couple of hobs around the house, so after I eat (while watching Friends) I wash up, clean the kitchen and hoover, in a hurry so I can see Two pints. Unfortunately I knock over a glass ornament of my Mum’s while hovering due to rushing about, so annoyingly I have to spend ages making sure I’ve gotten all the glass once Two pints is finished. Afterwards I come upstairs and talk to Melle on the phone for half an hour (we’ve already been texting), then we exchange some dirty text messages while I do internet stuff, listen to some tunes, get some Pizza and tea from downstairs (while talking to Lucy too) and playing Pro evolution soccer 5. During this time I’ve been letting the movie Catch and release stream online so I can watch it without buffering, so I watch that afterwards and totally dig Kevin smith’s performance. It’s then time to write this while listening to some Sanzen, and that about sums up my lazy day – lots of T.V!

Had my alarm set for 10am but didn’t get up until 11.10am. For some reason in the last 15 minutes of snoozing I had Datora on my semi-awake mind, and was somehow kind of involved in the music. It’s really odd for me to get into a local unsigned band as much as I have them, particularly when I don’t listen to too many bands who play that sun-genre of post-hardcore. I also notice that today is the second day running I haven’t woken up with an ear full of wax, and my ear drum has stopped clicking in the last two days as well. Fingers crossed it’s finally on the mend. I’m not getting too hopeful yet though as I had a two day spell a few weeks ago where I didn’t get wax, then it was back to a morning dosage every day.

I muster up the energy to get out of bed, make some tea and check Myspace. I spend half an hour finishing my application for the Relief library assistant job, scan it into my computer as evidence, send my C.V to my e-mail account for later and get showered and ready as I don’t have time to write the covering letter for the Haze position.

Once I’m in Derby (it took a whole hour on the H1 as oppose to 40 minutes) I get to the library and book a computer, but I’ve only got 7 minutes to do what I need to do. The woman who booked the computer was Asian and didn’t seem to confident in her job, and I only bring up her race because I wonder if there’s a bit of a language barrier. I ask for more time so I can write this covering letter and she assures me that I have the extra time, but I don’t. It turns out I can’t save documents (my C.V) to the computer to retrieve anyway, or at least I can’t figure out how to, and there’s no point asking her. Instead I just leave and head directly for Haze to find out when the application has to be submitted by. It turns out I can give it in on Thursday so I’ll have it ready for then, handing it in before playing the Mantus gig at the Victoria Inn.

Time to get Mothers day stuff, so off to the Eagle centre market for a card and a cheap drink. I pick out a simple card, as I don’t think Mum particularly appreciates the comedy cards I normally pick for occasions, and get pretty frustrated at a girl standing in front of me in the queue. It was really obvious, but to some people the fact that there’s a gap means it’s ok. Funny how this happens as me and Jo were talking about this last night, or rather Jo was, and I don’t say anything because it ain’t worth the hassle. I take a shit, then head off to the Red arrow bus.

Once I’m in Nottingham I finds the new CD store in the small shopping arcade that only sells Metal CD’s, although most of them are second hand. After browsing through a few albums I purchase Pig Destroyers ‘Painter of dead girls’, thinking it’s the new release, not realizing until later that it’s pretty damn old and consists of a fair few covers and the like. Still, can’t really complain for £4, and it’s the first album I’ve bought in months! I spend the next hour and half wandering around looking for something for Mum, and at games and book I’d like to purchase for myself, but I settle on a chocolate desserts collection from boots for Mum, always a winner if you don’t know what to get. I also receive a text message from Thew, saying he can’t rehearse at all before the gig on Thursday. I also tell him he needs to be at The Music Shed tomorrow at 6pm to sort out the live recording.

I then meet Melle after she finishes work and we go around a few shops for her Mothers day shopping. I’m annoying her almost straight away, as she reveals she’s useless at remembering birthdays, and although she gets the date of mine right, she thinks it’s in June instead of July. I suggest a way she’ll remember it easily in the future, which is simply to picture me playing Golf on the final hole (there’s 18 holes), and I’m playing it with her boss Julie (the name sounds like the month July). To make it more memorable, I can only just pick up the putter as it’s so heavy, unable to make a proper swing. For some reason, Melle keeps telling me to stop with this as she’s dead tired, but I thought it was a good idea anyway.

We talk all the way back to hers, largely about her band Strettle and at how childish her friend / Guitarist has been in yesterday’s rehearsal, and in general. We chill at hers with her sister Lauren, Melle wrapping up Mothers day stuff and me playing her shitty bass. Dinner is ready afterwards and we (Melle’s Mum and her partner Neil are there too) spend a whole hour at the table eating and watching Ant and Dec’s Saturday night takeaway, a rarity for me. The plan seems to be to watch a Ross Noble DVD, so I pop off to take a leak and Melle’s up there, where we make out. I don’t remember why but I ask her when my birthday is, and this time she gets it right. But guess what…she had that image I described earlier in her head, making me feel great after her telling me to stop describing that to her earlier. God I love being proven right.

She smokes, then we watch Ross Noble, and I swear I don’t laugh out loud once in over half an hour of his stand up. This is the second time I’ve watched one of his shows at Melle’s both different DVD’s, and I just don’t see why this is Melle’s favorite comedian. Yes, he’s very talented at making things up on the spot as that’s pretty much all he does, but it just ain’t for me. Give me Bill Hicks, Bill Bailey or David Cross (new comedy hero) any day. I leave at 9.20pm, set to get home two hours later, whilst on the way reading Kevin Smith’s My boring-ass life and staring down a pisshead on the bus from Ripley who called me Jesus. Gimme a break man, I’ve literally heard that dozens of times now.

Once I’m in I get some much needed tea and some Pizza that’s on the worktop. Some Myspace stuff is done naturally, including trying to sort out a couple of gigs for the Rutherfords, then it’s time to write this. Afterwards I update my record nerd page and look at some games / CD reviews, while talking to Airon from Rust inhaler over msn. He’s had a bad time tonight, and lately in general, so I do my best to offer my thoughts and hope it helps. Apparently I’m the only guy he talks to on msn regularly – we should hang out more. During and after this I read a link from Kevin Smith’s My Boring-ass life that I’ve been reading on buses all day, which is him replying to people bitching about him on forums. It’s fairly entertaining. More internet stuff, then I’m in bed a little after 3pm, after writing Mum’s card for tomorrow.

Woke up at 12pm then fell to sleep again, so it was nearly 3pm when I finally got out of bed. As much as I clearly need to catch up on sleep I’m annoyed at myself seeing as I was going to spend a lot of today either looking for work, recording stuff or doing something else productive. As much of the day has already gone I know I won’t do much as I’ll be seeing Jo later, confirmed with a text message I got whilst sleeping. Instead of going to Alfreton as planned she’s coming here later.

As I have much less time than I’d have liked, you’d think that I’d get cracking straight away – that’s not how I work. Instead I decide as most of the days’ gone I’ll just chill out. So after getting some cereal I drink tea whilst listening to David Cross’s It’s not funny comedy album. I save and arrange pictures on Myspace and facebook whilst doing this, plus other mind-numbing activities so I can concentrate on hearing the album. I do a little more Myspace stuff after then head downstairs for some Spaghetti bolognaise whilst watching Friends and Scrubs. Mum asks me about something job related and I end up telling her how I have to do 30 hours of stuff that’s musical related every week, even though I’d told her this before. She bugs me a little how she suggests I should do what Wayne (my brother) did in getting a license to drive a forklift truck. I’ve already worked in that environment in the past, and I went to college to better myself and get away from a shitty job like that (no offense to people who have that job), plus I’ve spent 3 years and built up a debt to study music, so it makes no sense to me at all. I don’t argue though as here really is no point, and just nod and say “hmm”. Me and Lucy chat a little bit as well, and I head up stairs to do some dusting.

Afterwards I watch an episode of Reaper and exchange some text messages with Melle, along with arranging tonight with Jo B. I realize I should apply for this job I have an application form for, the job being Relief library assistant in Derby. I fill in most of that, saving the rest for later (my hand hurts from writing…and I’m lazy) then find a job to apply for online for the company Chrome dreams. It’s from the Music week website and is suitable for a graduate looking for that first job in the industry, so I send my C.V with a covering letter. After this I get some tea and wash some pots after eating some sarnies, then wait downstairs for over half an hour for Jo, watching friends and QI in the meantime. We go to Tesco as Jo needs some stuff and I buy an Easter egg for £1 – Bargain! We get back and watch the family guy movie after talking for an hour (mainly Jo ranting) then I come up to my room to add some people to the Rutherfords Myspace page and update this. I intended on finishing my job application for the library assistant job and writing the covering letter for Haze, which I’ll apply for tomorrow, but I’m pretty tired after being awake for only 12 hours, so I get in to bed at 3am.

I wind up getting up at 11.30am, being forced straight out of bed by Armstrong learning, the company who are running the new deal for musicians scheme via the job centre. I’ve already missed two calls from them this morning so I’m motivated in getting up (just) and talk to my advisor Stuart. I tell him what I’ve been up to musically and on the job front and ask his opinion on my C.V and the tracks I submitted during my induction a few weeks ago. He says he’ll call me back, but he doesn’t at all.

Not much is done today to be honest – I intended on spending a lot of time looking for work but this didn’t happen, and the main plan was to go and see Datora play in Nottingham tonight along with Sworn against and a few other bands. I opt against it because I wanna save cash where I can, and although I’d get in for free I’d have to by food and a bus ticket at least – it’s a lot to me right now. Also, by the time I think about it properly I wouldn’t get into Nottingham until about 5pm, and knowing that Melle finishes college at 3pm I don’t expect her to want to hang around. As I don’t fancy a gig alone I just don’t bother, but I do intend to catch their gig at Derby uni soon as it’s free.

Before all that I went on the internet to do my usual stuff. In some ways it was neato as I spoke to Kira for quite a while, which is a rarity lately. On the other hand I got into an argument with my ex Jojo about some stuff she borrow months ago. In fact it must be pushing half a year. I brought it up over msn casually (as the conversation made it a relevant topic) and she starts defending herself, saying I should have reminded her to get those items when she made the rare visit to her Grandma’s where the goodies are stashed. Of course I point out that I have reminded her, several times in fact, and all other kinds of excuses are poured out of her mouth. She was so hostile when I brought the issue up. Instead of simply saying ‘I didn’t get them when I was there, I’m sorry, I’ll get them next time’ she opted for “You should have reminded me”. Yeah, always shifting the blame Jojo. After a while the conversation ends with me saying “Fuck off then you defeatist bitch”, which is unlike me, but seeing as I’d already refrained from calling her a bitch earlier I let it out and block her.

Enough about that. The rest of the afternoon I watch some Whose line is it anyway? While eating and do more internet stuff, which includes the discussion (over e-mail) about the possibility of a new guitarist in The Rutherfords. I haven’t heard about this before, and it seems an old band-mate of Lee’s got in touch with Glyn (via Lee) about the possibility of joining our band. Instead of summing it up here I’ll post the whole ‘essay’ I sent to Glyn about the subject, thinking that I was also posting to lee at the time:

Hmm, I didn't know this was on the cards at all.
 
I always thought we were all happy with the 3-piece set up, and to be honest I haven't given all that much thought to the possibility of having another Guitarist...only a little, for say a couple of minutes when the Guitarist from Gogo tokyo mentioned he'd be happy to step up for it.
 
I'd say (without Bias as I don't know this Will guy at all) that we should treat the approach as the same as if it wasn't somebody we know (like Gogo tokyo) rather than saying 'you can give it a shot simply because you know a band member'. If we'd have decided on looking for a 2nd guitarist before, fair enough I'd say it's worth a go, or even if we'd mentioned that if we stumble across the right bloke at some point it'd be worth doing this, like Hudson did with Dan I guess. Basically, had any of us actually wanted another guitarist before now? And if we haven't, why would we want to pursue with Will if we didn't really specifically want this situation in the first place. By that I don't necessarily mean I don't want it now, but I wasn't under the impression none of us genuinely wanted it at the same time.
 
I guess we should think about the ideal situation in the band in the long run...at the moment I'm happy with the 3-piece format, but that is without giving it much thought. Plus, if I'm being totally honest I think a second guitarist should know the genre already if it happens, even if it's just several of the bands in the genre to begin with. By that, I mean owning a few albums already by the likes of Weasel, ghoulies, Darlington etc, not just having heard of the names before, that way they're a genuine fan of the style which would help in all kinds of ways. Funny coming from me I know as I wasn't aware of too many in the beginning, but I got a good grasp of it, really liked the genre once I'd absorbed everything and I had the time to make that adjustment as it wasn't a full band then. In fact (for Lee's benefit) I did start out as a temporary fixture before I realized how much I enjoyed it, and I'm sure if there was another drummer / mate that Glyn would have been confident with, who owned alot of records by the bands we admire in Pop-punk, that drummer / mate would've been doing this instead of me.
 
Wow, abit of an essay but that's my initial input. Hope it makes sense. I guess from here we should think about whether we actually want another guitarist or not, and what they should be capable of (backing vocals / writing / willingness to promote, etc), and then decidee if this Will fits the criteria.
 
There's my thoughts, and I'll have a think of what my opinion should be on the guitarist subject, not specifically for Will right now.

Dave Lombardo
 
p.s might be an idea to have Lee play with this Will at an open mic night, see how he is in a way that's not directly for us.

Glyn replied saying they’re all very good points and he’ll give it a think over tonight. After this I eat some dinner downstairs then come back upstairs to do even more Myspace stuff, including editing some stuff on the Mantus page. I’ve also been thinking of what line-up to have as the next gig I put on in Derby. At the moment I’m thinking Nekrosis, Mantus, maybe Rust Inhaler and some other band, but I’m not sure yet. I finally download channel 4 on demand where I can watch Ch4 shows for free and watch The Gathering by Derren Brown. I talk to Melle a bit, then watch some Reaper. Although I couldn’t watch the pilot episode (I tried renting it online but it didn’t work) I got into it easily and ended up really liking it. I resist the urge to watch more though and instead watch Meet Ricky Gervais, which I didn’t know even existed. I add some people to the Rutherfords page while watching this as well as advertising the Richard Bracchus gig (We need to get 20 people down there to keep the promoter happy) then head downstairs to eat and watch The League Of Gentlemen. I get back upstairs to use the Internet and wind up watching 3 episodes of Derren Brown’s Trick or treat, getting to bed much later than intended at 3.30am.

Woke up a couple of times, the second being a little after 9am. Melle was insisting I call the doctor about my problem last night, and as tired as I am I know that she’s right in saying that I have to so I muster up the energy to get the phone from downstairs. The nurse practitioner calls back a little later and after describing my problem she tells me a male doctor will call me later this morning. I sleep until he calls me at 11.30am and again I describe what happened – That I bled during intercourse but there’s now no pain, I’m not urinating blood and that Melle actually found some skin in the toilet last night after using it, which must have been mine. The doctor tells me to simply wait it out, and it should hopefully be healed by the weekend. If there’s any discharge or anything I should contact them again.

With that out of the way me and Melle lie in bed talking for ages, and once I’ve got the energy we end up trying out my injured man-piece. This time we decide to use a condom though, as we usually don’t and I figure with no mixture of body fluids there’s less risk of me feeling any pain. It works out well, and as it’ been a while I don’t last more than 10 minutes. We cuddle up and talk, and it’s not until gone 2.30 pm that we head downstairs for tea and toasties. I wash up afterwards (all the while listening to the Ramones tribute album) and we both do a little internet stuff. We decide to watch Mallrats before Melle leaves, and then we’re both in the mood for Jay and Silent Bob strike again, so a double dosage of comedy it is. We’re then both up for another lay, and now that I got it out of my system earlier we’re at it for an hour, and good God it’s the best lay that both of us have had for a long time.

We both get ready to walk to the bus stop (not easy when you’re light-headed) and say our goodbyes once we’re there. I see Shaun (Elmo must die) while at the Co-op too and we discuss the gig at PJ’s Snooker club in Ripley that he offered us (The Rutherfords) earlier today, which will take place on Friday 14^th March with EMD, Abacination and Hudson. He drives me home and we talk for 10 minutes, then I get in and do some internet stuff. This includes asking Datora if I can bring a +1 to their gig at the Old angel tomorrow as their singer told me last night that he would put me on the guest list, and I get a message on facebook from a girl called Nicky Blakeley who happens to be my cousin. She’s the daughter of Keith, my uncle who my Dad only found out about a year or two ago, so there’s a side of the family that we don’t really know at all. I’ve only met Keith once so far when My Dad invited him to our area, and all of our side of the family went out for a meal for the occasion. Keith was sat at our table for the evening so I got to talk to him quite a bit, and he seems like a decent bloke. As cool as the evening was, it was spoiled a little bit my a cousin of mine (or step cousin) getting harassed in the toilet by a guy because she was dressed kinda slutty. There were also a couple of the same family who got drunk and acted pretty embarrassing (mooning for example) so me and my Dad felt a bit embarrassed on behalf, not really knowing what Keith must think, but other than that the evening was sweet. Anyway, it turns out this Nicky who got in touch today likes to sing a lot, and she lives in Leeds with her Dad. She seems to want to get to know a little about me which is cool, although I don’t think she knows about me having any siblings…I’ll tell her soon.

After this I head downstairs to eat while watching Two pints and QI before heading up here to update this (I’m behind) and find out the Datora decided not to reply to my +1 request. Other internet fun is had, including the completion of an IQ test on facebook, where I score 120. The average is 100 so that’s pretty awesome. I get into bed at 3am.

I had my alarm set to 11am, but I still don’t get up until about 45 minutes later. I get some tea and surf Myspace followed by showering. I need clothes when I’m clean so I go downstairs and see Ian talking with Mum, or rather just sitting there as none of them say a word until I get back upstairs. Talk about awkward. I don’t like him being here but my instinct was still to say hello rather than anything negative. I get my shit ready upstairs, eat some beans on toast before leaving and head off to Derby on the bus.

Once I’m in Derby I have the horrible job of carrying my amp head to the Vic, which takes 15 minutes or so. I’m relieved to get it there when I do as it’s bloody heavy, and once it’s dropped off I head back into town to meet Melle. Her bus is later than she said it would be so I wander over to the Blue dog to leave some flyers on all the tables for tonight’s gig, hoping that there may be some people here later who fancy coming on the spur of the moment. On the way out I bump into Airon (Rust inhaler) and a mate of his who was at the gig we played in the Old angel this month. We chit chat for a few minutes then I head off to finally meet Melle.

It’s great seeing her when she arrives…it’s been a fair few days since we last saw each other and that wasn’t for all that long. We weren’t allowed to be intimate before either so this is great for both if us. She decides she wants a belt as she’s been paid today, so we look around a few places at various clothes. One of those places is Haze, an alternative clothes shop, and I enquire about a job position as sales assistant that they have. I tell them I’ll drop a C.V in this week as interviews are next week. Once it’s time we head up to Thew’s and eat chicken and chips, then head to the Vic.

SpeedTheory are there already as we arrive at about 5.50pm. I talk a little bit, mainly to Wez (singer / guitarist) and he’s an ace bloke. We talk about the Haunted and Municipal waste as well as general music related stuff, with Alex (drummer) contributing a little as well. I get some cash and shit across the road and Wez asks me if there’s a rider for them. We didn’t arrange one as I wasn’t sure if this would have been needed for them and Amenti, so we head off to buy 3 bottles of pop and chips for them all, as they’re not fussy at all. It feels a little awkward but everything’s fine. We all soundcheck rather smoothly except for Datora, who can’t because their drummer won’t arrive until 8pm. Everything is a little rushed by the time they’re ready to start but everything thankfully runs exactly to schedule for the whole night. It sucks that all support bands could only play for 25 minutes (including us) but everything works out well and we all seem to have a great time. We get 43 paying customers through the door, allowing me to pay Datora £15, give Marc and Thew £12.50 each and pocket £25 myself. It isn’t until later that I realize I should have taken more to cover costs (£10 rider, £5 flyer printing, and arguably £15 to recoup the losses from the Mansfield gig last month) so considering this I actually gave Marc and Thew more than me (dagnabbit) but what’s done is done and at least I didn’t lose anything!

The only annoying thing about tonight is Two:Minutes:Hate brought a load of people to see them, so naturally a lot of people left the venue before us or SpeedTheory could play our set. There was still a reasonable crowd but it would’ve really topped the night off if everyone had stayed. Never mind though, all the bands got on and played well. Datora sounded incredible (even though I couldn’t actually watch them as I was taking cash with Melle) and I later found out this is only their 6^th gig, meaning their 3^rd gig was the one supporting Still Remains! Two:Minutes:Hate sounded alright, but the fact they got the loudest cheer to a Disturbed cover says everything. SpeedTheory didn’t disappoint either, who came across as genuinely funny blokes too. As for our performance, we played good but it wasn’t among our best performances. Glyn actually pointed out the issue of tuning again, and it seems that Marc’s strings need changing on his bass as things sounded out of tune when he played higher up on the neck. I must mention this to him, particularly if we’re recording on Friday.

Once we’re done me and Melle head home with Mum and Graham, and Mum kindly says I don’t need to pay her petrol money, just keep up with the board payments. It’s a great feeling having left the gig, as this is the first one I’ve arranged that has been genuinely successful in every way. We have a drink and a chip butty and casually talk up in my room while listening to some tunes. It gets to about 1am and we realize there’s an EARTHQUAKE! It’s a weird feeling upon that realisation, and it wasn’t too violent here (just clattering drum cymbals and moving posters, as well as seeing the room shake) but it certainly gets my heart racing. What seems almost more strange to me is that it’s about 10-15 minutes later when Marc calls me, telling me that it happened in Heanor only 3 minutes before he called. It sounds like it was more violent there, nearly throwing Marc off the bed and moving most things in his room, and I kinda find it funny how something like this suddenly has people calling each other to compare stories. Jojo calls me a while later for the same reason, telling me that her sister Gemma was screaming as if it was a horror movie. I later find out (tomorrow) that the Earthquake measured 5.2 on the Richter scale, but obviously we didn’t get the bulk of it as it was a nationwide event.

Me and Melle continue chatting while I give her a foot massage (kinda) and we finally lay down together on the bed and start to make out. One thing leads to another and she ends up riding me in some of the most romantic sex we’ve ever had, but something’s wrong…it hurts as soon as I enter her, but I keep going slowly even though it’s painful. After a short while I speed up (feeling that she wants to) and suddenly there is no pain. We stop to change positions and I look down to find that MY PENIS IS BLEEDING. Man, it’s a scary sight, and I don’t mean the foreskin is cut – it’s coming from inside the foreskin under the helmet. There’s a fair amount of blood (about the same as an average nosebleed I guess) but there’s no pain now we’ve stopped. It’s almost funny how I don’t get too freaked out about it, yet Melle almost throws up knowing that this has happened and I was inside her when it did. I clean myself up and look up what it could be on the internet, which isn’t much help, so I just decide I should call a doctor in the morning.

Once we climb into bed Melle tells me she’s worried about us, and that she’s been thinking this way since our big argument the other week. She basically feels like it’s her and me, rather than us in this relationship, and for a while I think she’s going to end the relationship with what she’s saying. After everything is off her chest, she insists that she feels better for it, and it seems like she realizes she does want us to work. We talk about this for maybe an hour, and when we’re finally settled down from this, the bleeding incident and the earthquake we manage to get to sleep at gone 4am.

There's been a fair amount that's gone off since I last updated this, which was so long ago it's embarrassing. Firstly I finished my degree at Nottingham. I got my results just a few days ago, and I'm baffled to say the least...how on earth did I manage to get a 2.1 for my dissertation??? I did most of it in about four days. You know what - there are websites that offer to write a dissertation to that standard in a few days for hundreds of pounds. To think I equaled that is beyond belief for me considering I barely passed in HND. AND, my dissertation got the highest mark out of every module in the course! I got a 2.2 overall, which kinda sucks, but I nearly failed so I should be happy.

We played our first gig too on June 16th, we being The Rutherfords. It wasn't bad as far as first gigs go, but it had that atmosphere I hate where the place is full of kids who hang outside, and have come down simply to see their mates. So the place was only half full with little interest shown in any of the bands, but there seemed to be some impressed faces. Not bad to say every song was fucked up apparently. Not by me of course (ego alert) but I'm sure things will work out. We have a few coming up soon so they bloody best do! Annoyingly we got our first Mantus gig too, but it turns out it clashes with the final Mouth gig before Alex moves to Newcastle. Huge bummer! The plus side is the venue, the Town Mill in Mansfield asked us so they must think we're alright, I'm sure they'll keep their word and offer us another slot.

More recently I've signed on and it's taking...SO long to get my first installment. That would be fine but I now have £1.40 to my name and I'm still being made to pay board. I need a job, and fast! I'm even contemplating a short return to Ladbrokes if needs be. At least I know what I'm getting myself in for. I just can't wait to move to Nottingham around my Rutherfords buds and other friends in the area. Although I've started considering Derby now - I've met some awesome people there in the last few months, namely Thew, Kira and Kate. 

Speaking of Derby, how awesome was Napalm death last night??? Answer - funking blinding. I haven't headbanged so hard in a long while, but if I'd have carried on much longer I wouldn't have been able to look straight. They played every song I wanted them to except Unnecessary evil, but that's ok. The songs I least expected them to play from the latest album were there, those being In deference, Persona non grata and Smear campaign. Those are some of the highlights of the album for me, which is my favorite Napalm album by the way so I was a happy bunny indeed. Providing I can make it I shall probably be going to the Mansfield show too, partially 'cus the support bands are decent, and certainly better than Heretic and Enemo-J from the Derby show.

To say how poor I am right now I would have waited for the Mansfield show but I went for social reasons as much as anything. Kate, the girl that put me in touch with Thew for Mantus allowed me to crash at hers along with Kira so I must confess that was kinda my ulterior motive. Me and Kira have gotten on rather well since we met. It was cool talking to her for hours over the night and the following morning. It's tough to work out if this'll lead anywhere but maybe that's just me doubting myself as usual. My confidence in music is pretty high but real issues like this are totally different for me. All I'm really bothered about right now is getting some cash together so we can hang out again pretty soon. Be cool to see her much more regular.

Oh I almost forgot, I saw The Blood brothers and Converge this week too. Both were great gigs, but I must express my annoyance at the Blood brothers. Again they played the bulk of their latest album as they did on their previous two tours with their now penultimate album, which kinda puts me off seeing them again if I'm honest. As much as I love the latest stuff, their third album ...Burn piano island burn got me into the band, and I'd heard nothing like it before at the time. It's simply one of my all time favorite albums, and the two songs that they bothered to play from there are my two least favorite. How fuckin annoying. And I also realized, if they release another DVD, I ain't gonna have any songs from that album on film that I care about. Thrice get to me in this way too, and NOFX come to think of it. I wish bands would realize their early stuff is often just as good as the later period. 

That's it from me for now. Quite a random arrangement I know but I really will keep this updated more often now. I have sleep to catch up on.